Brief Summary and Review:
Let me just say that this is the first one where I literally had no idea where it was going at all until it was happening which was so fun. I was so worried about the dog the whole time but it turned out it was the cat I should have been worried about!
I also absolutely loved the characters in this book, I mean Evan was just a regular 12 year old protagonist but I love his friend Andy, she was so fun, and the giant dog, and Aunt Kathryn was just always keeping me guessing.
I am, however, entirely let down by the lack of blood drive as was implied by the tagline on the cover.
I am, however, entirely let down by the lack of blood drive as was implied by the tagline on the cover.
I give it 10/10 for lovable characters.
The Ranking:
This one is tricky. I really liked this one, but I think I have to give the #1 spot to Stay Out of the Basement because I can't stop worrying that everyone wearing a hat is actually a plant imposter.
1. Stay Out of the Basement
2. Monster Blood
3. Welcome to Dead House
The Journey:
The cover is green good and a pair of glasses dripping down the stairs, we can only assume this is monster blood. It’s the cover blurb that really has me thrown off, I hope this book is about good-natured monsters who try to donate blood that ends up infecting recipients.
Chapter 1: We meet our redhead protagonist, Evan, who does not want to be left to stay with his great Aunt Kathryn (thus far described as “completely deaf”, “very stubborn”, and “a bit weird”) for an undefined amount of time. At least he will have Trigger, his cocker spaniel, for company, but if that dog dies, I will not be pleased. I’m still not over Petey.
Our first glimpse of Aunt Kathryn is one of her with a knife in her hand, and “the blade of the knife is dripping with blood.”
After the first chapter of Stay Out of the Basement I already had a handle on the main conflict, but this one still has me guessing.
Chapter 2: “I was slicing beef… you like beef?” - Aunt Kathryn
Now Aunt Kathryn won’t stop repeating, “He likes the girls” and then she self-described herself as a “scary old witch” and threatened to bake the dog into a pie. I do not know how to interpret this first impression of Aunt Kathryn.
Now what is Evan to do with nothing but shelves full of exclusively science books and magic books to entertain him? I guess we’ll find out, but literally anything could happen.
Chapter 3: A black cat named Sarabeth attacks Evan. Aunt Kathryn says “she’s evil. Pure evil.” and then repeats the word “evil” a bunch of times and ties the dog up in the backyard. Rude.
Chapter 4: Evan takes Trigger out for a walk and he runs off after a squirrel.
Chapter 5: We meet Andrea (“I make everyone call me Andy”), who I immediately like. She has yellow sneakers and a cool red bike and says things like “I like your dog… he looks real stupid… does he have a stupid name?” Evan is going to go with her into town.
Chapter 6: This town has TWO toy stores, an old one and a new one. Andy prefers the old one. It also has a video store because it’s 1992.
The old toy store seems to be a warehouse with a bunch of toys laying around wherever there was space and the owner is a grumpy old man. Evan finds a blue can labeled “Monster Blood-Surprising Miracle Substance” in a back room.
Chapter 7: Evan wants to buy the Monster Blood with the $10 his mom gave him but the grumpy owner man says it isn’t for sale, and then suddenly for no apparent reason changes his mind and sells it to him for $2. He and Andy go back to Aunt Kathryn’s house to open it up.
What do they think they’ve just purchased? Do they think it’s like a can of slime?
Chapter 8: It’s an old can of green glow-in-the-dark slime. It bounces and stretches and it’s very cold and they’ve decided to play catch with it. AND THEN TRIGGER ATE IT. Seriously, this dog better not die on me. Is he going to turn into a monster?! I’m not happy about this turn of events.
Chapter 9: Aunt Kathryn is mean and it seems like Evan might be staying with her a bit longer than anticipated. Evan goes to Andy’s house alone because Trigger is “asleep” (morphing into a monster dog probably) and is stopped by two large twin bullies.
Chapter 10: The bullies, Rick and Tony Beymer, claim that as a “non-resident” Evan is required to pay a toll. Lucky for Evan, Andy shows up to save the day because she’s the best, but the twins stole her bike!
Evan goes home and finds his Monster Blood can completely full even though Trigger ate some of it. Then he finds Trigger in the backyard choking. Does the Monster Blood fill whatever container it is in? Like grows in size and in this case expanded to fill Trigger’s stomach? I do not care for that.
Chapter 11: At first glance Evan thinks Trigger’s collar was too tight somehow, but then observes that he actually just seems bigger.
And then the next day he and Andy find a cat (not the evil one) tied to a tree so they free it and blame the Beymer twins. …I worry about all the animals in this universe.
Aunt Kathryn likes puzzles and claims to be 112 years old and wears a bone around her neck.
Chapter 12: Uh oh! The Monster Blood is growing! It is now oozing out of the container and also became warm and sticky and no longer bounces. They put it in a larger container and then have a Monster Blood fight and look out the window to discover that Trigger has doubled in size.
I still feel like I’m not entirely confident that I know where this is going.
Chapter 13: “He was already the size of a pony, and getting larger by the minute.” Evan and Andy are chasing Trigger who is chasing Rick and Tony.
Thank goodness, it was just a dream, but also EVAN HAS BECOME A GIANT. But I don’t think he even ate any?
Chapter 14: Oh wait. That was also a dream. So. Still everything is okay. Except the Monster Blood continues to grow.
Chapter 15: So Evan and Andy take Trigger to the vet and the vet doesn’t have anything useful to say at all and just gives him special food, but like why would the vet know about the effects of Monster Blood? And then Andy has to run off to her piano lesson so Evan leaves Trigger outside a grocery store so he can buy some ice cream. Doesn’t really seem like the time, does it? Anyways, when he goes back outside he finds the Beymer twins trying to steal Trigger and then they knock his ice cream out of his hand and take off running and Trigger chases them and Evan chases Trigger and… wait this seems familiar… “Would [the rest] of the dream also come true?”
Chapter 16: Now the Monster Blood has filled a large bucket. “Maybe Trigger’s growing because he ate the Monster Blood” no duh.
Evan and Andy debate what to do with it. Should they throw it away? Divide it up? I can think of no real solution at this point. They try to put some into a coffee can for Andy to keep but it doesn’t seem to want to let go of it… it might just be a monster all on its own.
He’s on his way home to eat “some kind of meat” when the Beymer twins make an appearance! I would say Evan really does not have time for bullies when he’s also dealing with the rapid growth of both his dog and the Monster Blood but okay.
Chapter 17: The twins spill his bucket of Monster Blood and also punch him in the stomach. Andy comes to the rescue as always and helps him clean up the Monster Blood which seems to have changed in consistency yet again.
Evan decides to find a larger container to put it in so he can bring it back to the toy store in the morning. “Some kind of meat” turns out to be beef stew.
Chapter 18: The Monster Blood is growing faster than ever and Evan is struggling to carry it because it’s so heavy and also he has a flashlight in one hand and he’s worried he’ll spill it and there’s a spider and it’s a whole mess because probably the spider will eat some Monster Blood and become a giant spider which is no good and he’s also found a mannequin and then dumps the Monster Blood into an old bathtub.
And then the evil cat pushes him into it! Aunt Kathryn was right, that cat is evil and now Evan is going to turn into a giant monster!
Chapter 19: This scene is wild, the Monster Blood is straight up trying to consume Evan, he’s stuck in a bathtub and cannot move or breathe. And that, kids, is why too much slime can really be a bad thing.
Chapter 20: He somehow managed to free himself and then in the morning writes the following note to show to his deaf Aunt Kathryn: “I HAVE A PROBLEM… I NEED YOUR HELP. THE BATHTUB DOWNSTAIRS IS OVERFLOWING WITH GREEN MONSTER BLOOD AND I CAN’T STOP IT.”
She laughed and then suddenly serious said, “I warned you to be careful.” …She’s hard to read, that one. What’s her secret?
Anyways, he gathers up all the Monster Blood and Andy gathers up her portion as well and they meet at the old toy store which has gone out of business! Inconvenient for sure.
Chapter 21: Now the Monster Blood is breathing.
They bring it back to Aunt Kathryn’s house and put it in the trash and receive news that Evan’s mom is coming to pick him up that afternoon and he’s ready to just take the dog and get out of there, leaving the Monster Blood to expand all over Aunt Kathryn’s yard. An incredibly rude move, young Evan.
Chapter 22: Trigger is now the size of a pony for real. In a panic, Evan does the worst thing that he possibly could have done in that moment which is accidentally knock over the trash can full of Monster Blood. “the quivering green mass appeared to come to life, like a newly born creature pulling itself up, stretching, looking around.” Yikes.
Chapter 23: Now the giant green ball is chasing them and absorbing into its being whatever it happens to roll over, like a bird, and THE BEYMER TWINS — it just swallows them right up and keeps on rolling — and then it rolls right up to a startled Aunt Kathryn and goes after her too!
How in the world are they going to get out of this one?
Chapter 24: But then Aunt Kathryn is all, “Get out, save your lives! I made this thing, I must die for it!” Excuse me, what now?
Chapter 25: And now Evan’s all, “You did this! You cast a spell!” to Aunt Kathryn but then Aunt Kathryn is like “I didn’t do it, She did!” AND POINTS AT ANDY.
ANDY HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS. This is worse than when they killed off Petey, I trusted Andy!
Chapter 26: Oh thank God she was actually pointing at Sarabeth the evil cat. What a relief. But also this just got out of control.
Sarabeth the evil cat just morphed into Sarabeth the evil woman and Kathryn is all, “Your spell over me is broken… for twenty years, you have used me… imprisoned me here, held me in your spell. But now I will use this Monster Blood to escape.”
Okay. Hold that thought. Aunt Kathryn was caught under the spell of the evil cat and has some sort of plan involving Monster Blood to escape? This has been an unexpected turn of events for sure. Maybe even crazier than Stay Out of the Basement which also caught me entirely off guard.
Chapter 27: Now Sarabeth is like, “All of you must die.” And then Aunt Kathryn explains that she and Sarabeth used to be friends until Sarabeth made her deaf with her dark magic and forced her to cast a spell on the Monster Blood and has been holding her prisoner and now wants to kill everyone who knows her secret. And then Sarabeth starts commanding the giant ball of Monster Blood to “kill the children!”
Chapter 28: Trigger to the rescue! He comes out of nowhere and pushes Sarabeth into the Monster Blood! And then Trigger starts to shrink and the blob of Monster Blood starts to shrink and the Beymer brothers fall out of it and they are somehow miraculously alive and even the bird escapes, but Sarabeth is gone.
Chapter 29: Now Trigger is back to normal and Aunt Kathryn has her hearing back and Evan’s mom is here to get him and the Monster Blood seems to have shrunk entirely away and for good.
What. A. Wild. Ride.
#4 is Say Cheese and Die which is a title that I remember vividly from my childhood.
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