Anyways, I've decided to read them as an adult human for fun in my free time and document that process here. Did I read them when I was a kid? Yes, several of them at least. Do I remember anything about any of them? Definitely not, I have a terrible memory.
There are 62 books in the original series, plus a bunch of additional series' if I make it that far which I doubt I will because I have an incredibly short attention span.
I will put my general review first but if you would like to join me for an in-depth summary of each chapter with commentary, feel free.
Book 1 is Welcome to Dead House, no better place to start than the one that started it all.
*Please note that I am truly terrible and reviewing things because I pretty much like everything, so when I say I will be reviewing the books, what I really mean is that I will be summarizing the plot with some brief commentary on my experience of reading it.
**There will be spoilers, if that is important to you.
Brief Summary and Review:
Josh and Amanda have just moved to a new house in a town called Dark Falls, but their dog is acting weird and the neighborhood kids are kinda weird and it turns out it's because everyone in the whole town is dead and wants to kill the family of newcomers. Don't worry, Amanda and Josh have a plan to destroy the entire town and save their mom and dad.
This is an excellent start to the series for sure. There are obviously plot holes galore but I would expect nothing less, it is part of the fun.
The funniest thing about this series and that it's all so seemingly kid-friendly and then out of the blue throws in some truly horrifying imagery that would have certainly given me nightmares. I mean it's all fun and games when Amanda is running around the house because she thought she saw a ghost and when she can't sleep because of the billowing curtains even though the window is closed, but then all of a sudden she has a dream where she has no skin on her face except for the "bits of flesh clung to [her] bony cheeks".
I don't really have anything else to say about it because I am a self-described horrible reviewer.
But I remain horrified that the dead people killed the dog, that was definitely taking it too far.
10/10 for some super gross imagery.
10/10 for some super gross imagery.
The Journey:
The cover of the book is pink and features an image of a spooky-haunty-house that we can only assume is "Dead House". The cover text reads, "It will just kill you." The house? The book? I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Chapter 1: We open on Josh and Amanda, hating their new house at first sight. We also meet Mom, and Dad who up and quit his job at the news that an uncle he had never heard of left him a house in a place called Dark Falls. Then there is Petey the dog, usually well-behaved, who won't stop barking at Mr. Dawes, a handsome young real estate agent. Amanda goes inside and catches a glimpse of an unknown blonde boy and immediately inquires if the house is haunted, meanwhile Josh stays outside with the dog and they both disappear. Of course.
Chapter 2: We take a tour of Dark Falls looking for Josh, notably Mr. Dawes puts on a cowboy hat, we see quiet homes, a school that is closed down for the summer, and then obviously we find Josh chasing the dog around the cemetery.
Chapter 3: In which we learn that even the most well-trained dogs should still walk on a leash, and also that Mr. Dawes' first name is Compton.
Amanda has to say goodbye to her friends Carol and Amy, and of course, Kathy. "I think some people were surprised that Kathy and I had stayed such good
friends. For one thing, we look so different. I’m tall and thin and dark, and she’s fair-
skinned, with long blonde hair, and a little chubby. But we’ve been friends since
preschool, and best friends since fourth grade." ...Because how could they possible be friends if they look different? Also, I would like to know more about the fourth grade transition from friends to best friends.
It's also moving day, and what do you know, that blonde boy once again appears in the window.
Chapter 4: Unimportant, disregard.
Chapter 5: Also unimportant, also disregard.
Chapter 6: "I dreamed that we were all dead... beneath our hair, we had no faces. Our skin was gone, and only our gray-green skulls were left. Bits of flesh clung to my bony cheeks. There were only deep, black sockets where my eyes had been." This is honestly terrifying.
Chapter 7: "I guess maybe I’m weird. I like washing dishes." Classic Amanda.
Now our blonde boy is joined by a "strange girl" with a "cold, frightening, smile". Mom and Dad think Amanda's imagination has gone wild.
Chapter 8: In which we assume it was a ghost who chose Amanda's outfit for the day, and we find out Josh had a nightmare about two mean boys in his room.
Chapter 9: While on a walk, we meet Ray, the blonde boy from the window. Petey the dog won't stop barking at him, we can only assume Petey the dog only barks at ghosts because honestly, he's usually so well-behaved.
Ray says he used to live in Josh and Amanda's new house, though he claims that he has not been inside for many years. Ray introduces us to his friends from around the neighborhood, like George Carpenter, Jerry Franklin, Karen Somerset, and Bill Gregory. Karen says she also used to live in their house. Hmm. Mysterious. Are they siblings or are they dead?
Ray's friends suddenly form a circle around Josh and Amanda and begin to close in around them. Two of the kids are carrying baseball bats. That can't be good.
Chapter 10: Mr. Dawes shows up and interrupts whatever horrifying nonsense was happening, and then they all go play softball.
Chapter 11: R.L. Stine keeps repeating the first and last names of the neighborhood kids. I assume it's because it will eventually be revealed that they're all dead.
Petey is missing, Mom and Dad are off to a potluck dinner party (I was unaware that there were any other adults in Dark Falls but it would seem that there are), and that thing happened with Amanda's clothes again. At midnight, Amanda and Josh decide to go look for Petey in the cemetery. Good choice. Go to the cemetery in the middle of the night. But also are their parents not home from the potluck dinner party by midnight?
Chapter 12: Why is Ray wandering the streets in the middle of the night? Why doesn't he think they should go to the cemetery to look for Petey? Amanda and Josh don't seem to care, they go to the cemetery anyways and find... some sort of mysterious outdoor theater cemetery meeting place?
They also find Petey but he's behaving strangely and also smells really bad. We can only assume he's dead. What kind of ghost kills dogs? I'm upset.
And now we've found some gravestones with the familiar names of... you guessed it... Karen Somerset, George Carpenter, Jerry Franklin, Bill Gregory and... Ray Thurston.
Chapter 13: Whoa okay this chapter is a lot. Ray is dead, he admits it, and keeps saying things like, "they always kill the dogs first" and, "I'm the watcher", and, “The town—it can’t survive without fresh blood. None of us can. You’ll understand soon, Amanda. You’ll understand why we had to invite you to the house, to the... Dead House.”
Chapter 14: In which Josh shines his flashlight on Ray and somehow manages to kill him even though he's already dead: "Ray’s skin seemed to be melting. His whole face sagged, then fell, dropping off his skull... [His] skin folded and drooped and melted away. As the bone underneath was revealed, his eyeballs rolled out of their sockets and fell silently to the ground." Again, that is some horrifying imagery.
Then, the neighborhood kids make the joke, "we used to live in your house, now we're dead in your house!"
Chapter 15: "We were all nice... but now we're dead." - George Carpenter
The dead kids reveal the secrets of Dark Falls. Each year they invite a family to live in the Dead House and then they are killed for their "fresh blood" and join the rest of the town.
Then they do something really dumb and go back to the cemetery with Mr. Dawes, who claims Mom and Dad are there, but really he's obviously also dead. Then they see Mr. Dawes' grave and realize what the reader already assumed to be true. This is getting out of hand.
Chapter 16: In which it would seem survival is a lost cause.
Chapter 17: Amanda thinks that Mr. Dawes can't be exposed to sunlight and that's why he wears a cowboy hat.
Then we find Mom and Dad tied up in the weird theater cemetery meeting place thing and everyone in the town is there to watch their murder. Fun.
But Amanda has a plan, which is to push down the tree that is shading the area so that all the dead people melt away in the sunlight.
Chapter 18: They push down the tree and the entire town screams and crumbles to powder.
"It doesn't take long" before movers are arranged to bring the family of four back to their old house which conveniently had not yet sold. It remains unclear if they had to stay another night or so in the Dead House or if they literally called the movers immediately, but they claim to have packed up their stuff before they left.
As they pull out of the driveway, another family pulls up to meet... could it be? Mr. Dawes for a tour of their new home.
... This leaves me with so many unanswered questions.
Wow. This has been fun. For me at least. Join me next time for book 2, Stay Out of the Basement. Or don't. I'm going to keep reading them regardless.
It's also moving day, and what do you know, that blonde boy once again appears in the window.
Chapter 4: Unimportant, disregard.
Chapter 5: Also unimportant, also disregard.
Chapter 6: "I dreamed that we were all dead... beneath our hair, we had no faces. Our skin was gone, and only our gray-green skulls were left. Bits of flesh clung to my bony cheeks. There were only deep, black sockets where my eyes had been." This is honestly terrifying.
Chapter 7: "I guess maybe I’m weird. I like washing dishes." Classic Amanda.
Now our blonde boy is joined by a "strange girl" with a "cold, frightening, smile". Mom and Dad think Amanda's imagination has gone wild.
Chapter 8: In which we assume it was a ghost who chose Amanda's outfit for the day, and we find out Josh had a nightmare about two mean boys in his room.
Chapter 9: While on a walk, we meet Ray, the blonde boy from the window. Petey the dog won't stop barking at him, we can only assume Petey the dog only barks at ghosts because honestly, he's usually so well-behaved.
Ray says he used to live in Josh and Amanda's new house, though he claims that he has not been inside for many years. Ray introduces us to his friends from around the neighborhood, like George Carpenter, Jerry Franklin, Karen Somerset, and Bill Gregory. Karen says she also used to live in their house. Hmm. Mysterious. Are they siblings or are they dead?
Ray's friends suddenly form a circle around Josh and Amanda and begin to close in around them. Two of the kids are carrying baseball bats. That can't be good.
Chapter 10: Mr. Dawes shows up and interrupts whatever horrifying nonsense was happening, and then they all go play softball.
Chapter 11: R.L. Stine keeps repeating the first and last names of the neighborhood kids. I assume it's because it will eventually be revealed that they're all dead.
Petey is missing, Mom and Dad are off to a potluck dinner party (I was unaware that there were any other adults in Dark Falls but it would seem that there are), and that thing happened with Amanda's clothes again. At midnight, Amanda and Josh decide to go look for Petey in the cemetery. Good choice. Go to the cemetery in the middle of the night. But also are their parents not home from the potluck dinner party by midnight?
Chapter 12: Why is Ray wandering the streets in the middle of the night? Why doesn't he think they should go to the cemetery to look for Petey? Amanda and Josh don't seem to care, they go to the cemetery anyways and find... some sort of mysterious outdoor theater cemetery meeting place?
They also find Petey but he's behaving strangely and also smells really bad. We can only assume he's dead. What kind of ghost kills dogs? I'm upset.
And now we've found some gravestones with the familiar names of... you guessed it... Karen Somerset, George Carpenter, Jerry Franklin, Bill Gregory and... Ray Thurston.
Chapter 13: Whoa okay this chapter is a lot. Ray is dead, he admits it, and keeps saying things like, "they always kill the dogs first" and, "I'm the watcher", and, “The town—it can’t survive without fresh blood. None of us can. You’ll understand soon, Amanda. You’ll understand why we had to invite you to the house, to the... Dead House.”
Chapter 14: In which Josh shines his flashlight on Ray and somehow manages to kill him even though he's already dead: "Ray’s skin seemed to be melting. His whole face sagged, then fell, dropping off his skull... [His] skin folded and drooped and melted away. As the bone underneath was revealed, his eyeballs rolled out of their sockets and fell silently to the ground." Again, that is some horrifying imagery.
Then, the neighborhood kids make the joke, "we used to live in your house, now we're dead in your house!"
Chapter 15: "We were all nice... but now we're dead." - George Carpenter
The dead kids reveal the secrets of Dark Falls. Each year they invite a family to live in the Dead House and then they are killed for their "fresh blood" and join the rest of the town.
Then they do something really dumb and go back to the cemetery with Mr. Dawes, who claims Mom and Dad are there, but really he's obviously also dead. Then they see Mr. Dawes' grave and realize what the reader already assumed to be true. This is getting out of hand.
Chapter 16: In which it would seem survival is a lost cause.
Chapter 17: Amanda thinks that Mr. Dawes can't be exposed to sunlight and that's why he wears a cowboy hat.
Then we find Mom and Dad tied up in the weird theater cemetery meeting place thing and everyone in the town is there to watch their murder. Fun.
But Amanda has a plan, which is to push down the tree that is shading the area so that all the dead people melt away in the sunlight.
Chapter 18: They push down the tree and the entire town screams and crumbles to powder.
"It doesn't take long" before movers are arranged to bring the family of four back to their old house which conveniently had not yet sold. It remains unclear if they had to stay another night or so in the Dead House or if they literally called the movers immediately, but they claim to have packed up their stuff before they left.
As they pull out of the driveway, another family pulls up to meet... could it be? Mr. Dawes for a tour of their new home.
... This leaves me with so many unanswered questions.
Wow. This has been fun. For me at least. Join me next time for book 2, Stay Out of the Basement. Or don't. I'm going to keep reading them regardless.
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